Lone wolf

Getting back after a year.

There was a mystery bridge between our mind and heart. Its often we don't realize that both our thought and feelings are interconnected to each other. Whether its a right or wrong, each move from us are solely determined by this bridge. Nevertheless its an ugly truth that whenever we excel we hail our mind and whenever we fail we condemn our heart.

More i know, the heart gives us pleasure. The pleasure of happiness and the pleasure of pain. The consideration that both these pleasure are needed to live our life is the utmost balance on the equity of life. But very often, this isn't the way we think. Its proven, that we as human prefer happiness and comfortable life more than challenges that could gives us pain.

Ultimately, i wanted this to be a flip for me. I had best chance of getting to the very top quickly compare to others in my circle. However, its not often that we make correct move as planned and so do i. Fail to capitalize the chance had brought me to the ground and let me to think if this is a correct move. I decide everything in a early stage, and that has been my signature character ever since i was a kid. Its always my mind over my heart. Considering my life, i would say everything including my career, life and love. Some of my decision has been fantastic and could even be written in a enchanted book as a proven guideline to earn the success and some of my decision should never been taken as a choice as it could throw you to the graveyard. Its my ideal character that i love to share my bad stories to people as it give me an opening and gives a hint to people who could be facing the same issue's as me.

A year ago, i took a decision to downgrade my career from a senior engineer to a support engineer role. There's a slight selfishness in this yet i took this decision just to accommodate my other resolution. Being a senior engineer has been a dream for many and i was so fortunate to rise to this level in just two years time. I was so blessed to be able to learn so many skills in a short amount of time. Learning has been always my uttermost skill set which helps me in so many occasion and help me to adapt quickly to any kind of environment. However the decision to join Binasat was a big flip and it wasn't as i thought i would be. I was doing Masters and at this moment i'm in my last lap to complete my Master's degree. This past year has been very one-sided for me. My career has been awful, my life plan has extremely failed and even my love life has been devastating. Well, i'm not here to blame anyone but myself. I lost so many battles but this past year has been the worst.

For the past one year, my career path declined terribly. I should have been in a better position and earning more then my current pay. I had to go through this for another few month and i hope ill get an opening once i finish my Master's.

Diving into my life, all the plans i had collapse and i had to restructure everything again. I fail to save money for my future plan and all the plan i had previously had to be dragged to another year. Till date, i have no saving in my account, i had no investment and i'm broke like hell. I have personal loan and a housing loan to pay. Thinking back where i lost all my money, i have no idea.

And here's my love life. Nothing much to say, its heartbreaking to think that we're not talking and spending time as we use to be. There's lot of conflict in this. Not to blame her, but her job has been the hitch between us. I could not take the fact she's coming back home late night and not spending time with me. We use to talk a lot and we always had some good conversation every day every night before going to bed. But in past year, everything has gone. This hurts me a lot as i could not share my thoughts with her. Apart from the time we meet, we don't talk as we used to be.

This past one year has been a roller coaster ride for me. I in a bad shape, i stopped working out regularly and my health has been imbalance. I could write more about this but its just too private and i don't want to tell this right now.

Every cloud has a silver lining